Sweef | Is my ma ‘n ruimtewese? – Christie Nortjé | English Summary

Sweef en ander Verhale

Is my ma ‘n ruimtewese? – Christie Nortjé

Tiaan believes his mother is an alien and attempts to keep a diary of his research to prove his hypothesis. Remembering the scientific method taught to him at school, Tiaan wants to prove his conjecture and has several reasons to believe his mother is an alien:

1) She is always shouting and screaming without tiring. Only an alien with super vocal cords can do that.

2) She can hear it when Tiaan isn’t doing his homework – her alien ability of super hearing allows her to hear the minute sound of the PlayStation being turned on.

3) She cooks weird food. Sometimes mini-trees end up on his plate – no normal person feeds their innocent child bitter broccoli.

4) She can easily tell when Tiaan lies – she looks deep into his eyes and can tell, yet teachers at school are none the wiser when Tiaan lies to them.

5) He once asked her if she’s an alien and she got frighteningly aggressive – he had to go to bed without food that night.

6) He googled aliens and discovered the following:

  • a)  Some aliens eat rodents

  • b)  Aliens’ original forms change when they get angry

  • c)  Aliens have night-vision.

To find proof, Tiaan attempts to use his pet rat, Jasper, as bait. However, he assures anyone reading that no pets will be placed in danger or injured for the duration of his research. His mom shouts his name in syllables when she’s angry – Tiaan did not set the table as she told him to do “a hundred times”. Tiaan notes this as evidence of an alien’s incredible memory.

Supper time. They’re having bobotie, and Tiaan’s mother gives him a big helping. After getting his serving, Tiaan quickly puts Jasper into the serving dish, then carefully spoons Jasper onto his mother’s plate along with some bobotie. When she notices the white rat now dyed yellow by the bobotie, her mouth hangs wide open, and for that moment, Tiaan thought she was going to devour Jasper. His surprised mother belts out his name in syllables before jumping out of her chair and falling backwards. While lying on the floor, Tiaan’s mother whispers three syllables: “You’re-groun-ded”. Results of his first experiment: failure.

His second experiment is simple: he will make his mother angry so that she assumes her true alien form; which he assumes is green and slimy. With his mother nursing a bump on her head caused by Tiaan’s first experiment, she’s in the prime position to be angered. Tiaan first calls her several times in a very aggressive tone, which he says is something that makes moms very angry. He then tells her he wants to have chips, which annoys her given the dirty state of the kitchen, the trash hasn’t been taken out, and his homework still isn’t done. He presses the issue which brings her to her angry use of syllables – Tiaan keeps pushing and tries to get behind the door to avoid getting slime all over him when she turns, but instead of turning green, she gets redder and redder while retaining her human form. Experiment two gets Tiaan grounded for a year, and it is also a failure; however, he surmises that red aliens may also exist.

His third experiment is to determine whether or not his mother has night-vision. To do this experiment, Tiaan takes out all the lightbulbs around the house. While his mother cooks dinner, she calls him to switch on the kitchen light, which fails because there is no lightbulb. She thinks the bulb failed and laments having bought new light bulbs fairly recently. Tiaan’s mother asks him to grab the light bulb from the sitting room and replace the “faulty” kitchen bulb, but he tells her that there is no lightbulb. Surprised, she turns to Tiaan and asks him where the lightbulbs are, and he responds with the truth: they’re all under his bed. Before she can express her contempt, the food on the stove starts burning, and she reacts, trying to take it off the hot plate. She burns her hand and drops the pot of hot food on the floor. She then slips in the mess and falls on her backside, her anger dissipating immediately because of the pain. Tiaan’s mother sends him to get the lightbulbs, adding that he knows about her night-blindness. On the way to his bedroom, Tiaan hears another loud noise – his mother bumped into the table, and all the plates have fallen to the floor! Tiaan’s mother tells him that he’s grounded for the rest of his life. Experiment result: failure. Tiaan’s mother doesn’t have night-vision, but she certainly has bruises.

After failed attempt to prove that his mother is an alien, Tiaan gives up on the conjecture entirely and adds warning for anyone else who may dare try to expose their mothers for being aliens – it could lead to being grounded for the rest of your life! He adds another note: his mother snores too loudly for a human mother – perhaps she might be a werewolf! Tiaan will investigate this matter further.

SummariesKeroshan PillayComment